Archive for September, 2008
Don’t step on any ducks!
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!' So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first [...]
The Blonde who married a Catholic
On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, 'It's Lent'. In tears she sobbed, 'Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've [...]
Top 50 Obama Lies
1.) Selma Got Me Born - LIAR, your parents felt safe enough to have you in 1961 - Selma had no effect on your birth, as Selma was in 1965. 2.) Father Was A Goat Herder - LIAR, he was a privileged, well educated youth, who went on to work with the Kenyan Government. 3.) Father Was A Proud Freedom Fighter - L IAR, he was part of one of [...]
Jokes about women… (that I don’t think are one bit funny!)
What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for? It's braille for 'suck here'. What is an Australian Kiss? It's the same as a French Kiss but down under. What do you do with 365 used condoms? Melt them into a tire and call it a Goodyear. Why were hurricanes normally named after women? Because when they come, they're wild and [...]
You gotta love the NY Times
A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful [...]
Kidnapped by terrorists
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown New York . Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window... The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What happened, what's the hold up?' 'Terrorists have kidnapped Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Rosie O'Donnell, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. They [...]
Little boys and their tampons…
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" Eight," the boy replied. The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my [...]
