Archive for November, 2008
Indian student
It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he [...]
Never leave your nuts alone!
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a Baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his Commands. When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, 'Up Nuts', and the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem, he [...]
John received a parrot as an early Christmas gift.
The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary . Finally, John was fed [...]
Things you can only say at Thanksgiving!
1. Talk about a huge breast! 2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. 3. It's Cool Whip time! 4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst! 5. Whew, that's one terrific spread! 6. I'm in the mood for dark meat. 7. Are you ready for seconds yet? 8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it? 9. Just wait your turn, [...]
New Stock Market terms for 2008 and beyond
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry. VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO -- The [...]
Name something with two legs that bleeds a lot…
Half a dog.
At a recent FBI interview
The FBI was recruiting assasins. After sorting through a series of applicants the proctor was faced by 3 fianlists, 2 men and a woman. He separated them into separate rooms and at the end of each room stood a large steel door. He instructed the first gentleman that "through that door sits your wife. In order to make it through and be [...]
