49 is still MIA…
Posted on April 30, 2008
Filed Under Nonsense |
Sorry I’ve been MIA this past week… moving to a new office and have limited time to jump online! Unfortunately, it’ll be another couple of days before I’m back up and running…
Anyway, riding to work this morning (in the stupid car - bike is in shop for tuning until tomorrow) I was listening to The Ed Lover Show on 105.1FM (http://thespot.power1051fm.com/morningshow) and they were talking about the things their parents used to say - most of which the ‘general public’ would consider inappropriate for disciplining children… for instance, ‘your mouth better not write a check your ass can’t cash’, ‘I’ll stick my foot so far up your ass, you’ll be throwing up 8 ½’s’, ‘[if you do that again] you’ll be seeing stars, and I’m not talking about movie stars’, ‘I’ll kick your ass up through your shirt collar’, in response to a child’s rebelling against the house rules - ‘let the doorknob hit you where the good Lord split you’, so stupid, ‘you couldn’t get piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel’, etc…
I started thinking of the things my father used to say to me when I was growing up and at the forefront was his use of the word ‘half-assed’… I attribute my borderline OCD, something I like to refer to as keen attention to detail, entirely to him and this beautiful compound word.
The point of the story here is that, as mentioned on the radio, children do not necessarily get the figurative meaning of these terms; they interpret them very literally…
For years I wondered if other half-assed people had only one leg? If they only had half of an ass, where is the other leg attached? An even bigger problem is where’s the crack - to be specific, the asshole?! How do half-assed people drop a deuce?! As you may imagine, this lead me through some very troubling childhood thought processes… as a result it has been my lifelong task to avoid being half-assed. So in the end, despite mental scarring, I guess this is a good thing!
My father also used to mumble ‘shit for brains’ a lot when he was driving. My first exposure to road rage… I was such an innocent little guy (cough, cough), I thought for years he was saying ‘shifter brains’ - that made more sense since we were in a car, right?… I never understood what ‘shifter brains’ were or what their purpose was. What would ‘shifter brains’ do?… One day I got up the nerve to ask, which I hadn’t done previously since my father only said this when he seemed upset at someone (primarily other drivers). …and he clarified… “not ‘shifter brains’, ‘Shit for brains’…” at that moment it was like a huge light bulb turned on over my head. OOOO00000oooooo!!!!!! SHIT for brains… that made much more sense… he must have been referring to those half-assed people, and THIS is where they must keep their shit since they don’t have an asshole… (almost) everything made sense now! Except I was still a little unclear if they puked their poop out, or it came out of their ears since by this time in my life, I’d also heard the terms ‘shit mouth’ and referring to those who don’t listen, ‘you must have shit in your ears’… but I figured all these questions would be answered in due time. Maybe half-assed people with shit for brains had a choice of orifices for elimination?…
I’m just glad my parents didn’t tell me they’d kick my ass up through my shirt collar… that would have REALLLLLLLY hurt!!!
Comments
3 Responses to “49 is still MIA…”
Leave a Reply
-
Search
-
Admin
KudoSurf Me!
OK…here’s one for you…
Think before you speak…it’s better to remain quiet and be perceived a fool than to open your mouth and prove it.
I’ll give it some thought and add to this.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA!!
Homegrown you are such a doofus…LOL And knowing you like I do, I know you were clueless…
My stomach is hurting laughing at you right now. Party on Lil Bro, Party on…HAHAHAHAHAHA
Dude, this is the funniest … “Shifterbrains” …. that just explains EVERYTHING!!!