Half a dog.

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer. 2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes. 3. You have more wives than teeth. 4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon “unclean.” 5. You think [...]

Clever anagrams DORMITORY When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM PRESBYTERIAN When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER DESPERATION When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT THE EYES When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE GEORGE BUSH When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS [...]

The other night I was invited out for a night with the ‘girls.’ I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, ‘I promise!’ Well, the hours passed and the margarita’s went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, [...]

John McCain and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had [...]

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was ‘Onestone’. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,’ If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!’ The word got around and nobody [...]

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! [...]