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Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up on that morning.I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, She barely said good morning, let alone ” Happy Birthday.” I thought… Well, [...]

Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I [...]

1. Two blondes walk into a building……….you’d think at least one of them would have seen it. 2. Phone answering machine message – “…If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key…” 3. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any. 4. I went to the butchers [...]

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ‘WOO-HOO what a ride!’

Even when you are having a really bad day, someone will still screw you.

It happens to all of us… I was driving in to work this morning, and some dick in a truck pulls out in front of me…….. Just so you know what he looks like, here’s the dick in the truck.