BBQ RULES

Posted on May 13, 2009 by 49
Filed Under Men | 1 Comment

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine…
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine…
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.
Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine…
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her night off and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.

Joke of the day…

Posted on May 12, 2009 by HowleyKook
Filed Under Boys, Jokes, Religion | Leave a Comment

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them,

and hides in the bedroom closet. Then the woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the

little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, ‘Dark in here.’

The man says, ‘Yes, it is.’

Boy – ‘I have a golf ball.’

Man – ‘That’s nice.’

Boy – ‘Want to buy it?’

Man – ‘No, thanks.’

Boy – ‘My dad’s outside.’

Man – ‘OK, how much?’

Boy – ‘$250′

A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together…

Boy – ‘Dark in here.’

Man – ‘Yes, it is.’

Boy – ‘I have a sand wedge.

‘The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, ‘How much?’

Boy – ‘$750′

Man – ‘Sold.’

A few days later the boys father says to the boy, ‘Grab your sand wedge and golf ball, let’s go outside
and have some short game practice.

The boy says, ‘I can’t, I sold my ball and sand wedge dad.’

The father says, ‘What?! How much did you sell them for?’

Boy – ‘$1,000.’

The father says, ‘That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost.

I’m going to take you to church so you can confess.’

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confessional and he closes the door.

The boy says, ‘Dark in here.’

The priest says, ‘Don’t start that with me again, you little shit… You’re in my closet now.’

A letter to…

Posted on May 2, 2009 by HowleyKook
Filed Under Barak Obama, WTF? | 2 Comments

Dear to whom it may concern;

I have had it with you and your administration, sir. Your conduct on your recent trip overseas has convinced me that you are not an adequate representative of the United States of America collectively or of me personally.

You are so obsessed with appeasing the Europeans and the Muslim world that you have abdicated the responsibilities of the President of the United States of America. You are responsible to the citizens of the United States. You are not responsible to the peoples of any other country on earth.

I personally resent that you go around the world apologizing for the United States telling Europeans that we are arrogant and do not care about their status in the world. Sir, what do you think the First World War and the Second World War were all about if not the consideration of the peoples of Europe? Are you brain dead? What do you think the Marshall Plan was all about? Do you not understand or know the history of the 20th century?

Where do you get off telling a Muslim country that theUnited Statesdoes not consider itself a Christian country? Have you not read the Declaration of Independence or the Constitution of the United States? This country was founded on Judeo-Christian ethics and the principles governing this country, at least until you came along, come directly from this heritage. Do you not understand this?

Your bowing to the king of Saudi Arabiais an affront to all Americans. Our President does not bow down to anyone, let alone the king of Saudi Arabia. You don’t show Great Britain, our best and one of our oldest allies, the respect they deserve yet you bow down to the king of Saudi Arabia. How dare you, sir! How dare you!

You can’t find the time to visit the graves of our greatest generation because you don’t want to offend the Germans but made time to visit a mosque in Turkey. You offended our dead and every veteran when you give the Germans more respect than the people who saved the German people from themselves. What’s the matter with you?

I am convinced that you and the members of your administration have the historical and intellectual depth of a mud puddle and should be ashamed of yourselves, all of you.

You are so self-righteously offended by the big bankers and the American automobile manufacturers yet do nothing about the real thieves in this situation, Mr. Dodd, Mr. Frank, Franklin Raines, Jamie Gorelic, the Fannie Mae bonuses, and the Freddie Mac bonuses. What do you intend to do about them? Anything? I seriously doubt it.

What about the U.S. House members passing out $9.1 million in bonuses to their staff members – on top of the $2.5 million in automatic pay raises that lawmakers gave themselves? I understand the average House aide got a 17% bonus. I took a 5% cut in my pay to save jobs with my employer.
You haven’t said anything about that. Who authorized that? I surely didn’t!

Executives at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac will be receiving $210 million in bonuses over an eighteen-month period, that’s $45 million more than the AIG bonuses. In fact, Fannie and Freddie executives have already been awarded $51 million – not a bad take. Who authorized that and why haven’t you expressed your outrage at this group who are largely responsible for the economic mess we have right now.

I resent that you take me and my fellow citizens as brain-dead and not caring about what you idiots do. We are watching what you are doing and we are getting increasingly fed up with all of you. I also want you to know that I personally find just about everything you do and say to be offensive to every one of my sensibilities. I promise you that I will work tirelessly to see that you do not get a chance to spend two terms destroying my beautiful country.

Sincerely,

Every Real American

Suckend Life!

Posted on April 28, 2009 by 49
Filed Under Video, Women | Leave a Comment

HOW TO TELL IF YOU NEED TO PRAY AT WORK

Posted on April 28, 2009 by HowleyKook
Filed Under Jokes, Work | Leave a Comment

When a co-worker comes in a little too happy singing “good morning” to everyone and you think, “Somebody needs to slap the s*** out of her”… You need to pray at work.

When someone comes in and announces, “Office meeting in 5 minutes,” and you think, “what the f*** do they want now?”
…You need to pray at work.

When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say, “which one of you sons of b******* turned off my computer?”

…You need to pray at work.

When you and a co-worker are discussing something, and a third person comes in and says, “Well at my last office…”, and you want to
throw a stapler at him

… You need to pray at work.

When you hear a co-worker call your name and the first thing that crosses your mind is, “what the hell does this b**** want now?” and you
try to hide underneath your desk

…You need to pray at work.

When you are asked to stay late and help do someone else’s work and the first thing that pops in your head is, “both of y’all can kiss my
a**!!”
…You need to pray at work.

When you’re in the elevator and it stops to pick up someone who stood for five minutes waiting for the darn thing only to go DOWN one
floor, and you say “that lazy b******”

… You need to pray at work.

When you take some vacation time and come back to find a mountain of paperwork sitting on your desk because no one else would do it and you
think, “sorry a** M#$^% F%&#’ers”

…You need to pray at work.

If you have ever thought about poisoning, choking, punching, slapping, or flattening someone’s tires that you work with
…You need to pray at work.

If you avoid saying more than hello or how are you doing to someone because you know it’s going to lead to their life story.

…You need to pray at work.

LET’S ALL BOW OUR HEADS

Bullshit and Brillance

Posted on April 26, 2009 by HowleyKook
Filed Under Animals, Jokes | Leave a Comment

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, ‘Oh, oh! I’m in deep doo-doo now!’ Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, ‘Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?’

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. ‘Whew!’ says the leopard, ‘That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!’

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, ‘Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, ‘What am I going to do now?’, but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says ‘Where’s that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story….
Don’t mess with old farts .. age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Another Obama Joke

Posted on April 26, 2009 by HowleyKook
Filed Under Barak Obama, Politics | Leave a Comment

Barak Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing, and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful that he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, “I want to go to Disneyland”. Barak said, “No problem, I’ll take you there on my special Senator’s airplane”.

The second kid said, “I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes”. Barak said, “I’ll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them”!

The third kid said, “I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!

Barak was a little perplexed by this and said, “But you don’t look like you’re handicapped”. The kid said, “I’m not … but I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning”!

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